Planning: Scripting

Scripting:

After my partner had looked at my script, we decided to add in some more lines and give the main male character a voice over exposition. Last night I watched various clips of film noir to get ideas for doing the exposition. I watched the opening of  'Murder my sweet' as the main character had very dramatic metaphors when describing his emotions: my mind felt like a plumbers handkerchief. I also was inspired by Greta Garbos line of - I never said, 'I want to be alone.' I only said, 'I want to be left alone.' There is all the difference. I then decided to alter some of then lines of my femme fetale to make her seem a little bit more 'evil'.

 Here is the final script:

-       Scene opens with fingers stroking a glass, you can hear 1940’s style jazz music playing in the background. You can hear background noise of multiple in quiet conversation.

-voiceover exposition of man’s voice- she was blonde/brunette/a redhead,(delete as appropriate) and legs for hours (should start when he starts looking at her)

-       A woman is seated at the bar, by herself. At the other side of the bar there’s is a man, looking intently at the female. He seems to be attracted to her as he watches what she does and shows the male gaze of looking at her eyes and lips.

Nothing is said but both characters look back and forth to each other (shots 1-10) until the woman pulls out a packet of cigarettes (shot 11). The man responds by pulling out a lighter (shot 12). She walks out of the door outside to go smoke (shot 13), he follows. (shot 14)

Outside the bar on the street, you can still hear the music faintly playing in the background.

(shot 15)

Woman: (lights cigarette and avoids looking at the man and leans against the wall) (shot 16)

Man: (after lighting her cigarette) a thank you would be nice. (shot 17) (walks to the other side of her)

Exposition voiceover: Dames. Jeez. They rip your heart out without even breaking a sweat.

Woman: (exhales cigarette smoke) you’re trying too hard. (shot 18)

Man: I can tell you’re flattered.

Woman: (sarcastically) Yes. I’ve never been talked to by a guy at a bar ever in my whole god damn life before. (shot 19) Do you talk to every girl you see at a bar?

Man: Only the beautiful ones. I’m sorry dollface. I didn’t realise you were so… sensitive. (shot 20)

Woman: you don’t get any points for modesty (shot 21)

Man: humph. I didn’t bring up scoring. But either way, if id known it woulda’ made no difference. (shot 21)

Woman: (drops her cigarette on the floor and sighs. She opens the door and walks through) (shot 22)

Man: (he touches the wall she was leaning against and looks down shaking his head a bit in regret. He opens the door and goes through) (shot 22)

Exposition voiceover:  My heart felt like it had been run over by a ten tonne truck,(pause) then reversed on.

Scene Cuts to the woman sitting by herself at the bar again. In the background we can see another man sitting by himself- he seems to be looking at the woman despite being slightly out of focus. (shot 23)

Man: Please, accept this humble offering (sets down drink to her) (shot 24)

Woman: (looks down at the glass almost in disgust but takes it in her hand).

Man: The names Hank. Hank Leonard. (He offers her hand to her in greeting but she doesn’t respond) Pleased to meet ya’. (shot 25 last part of dialogue only cue.)

Woman: (not looking at him- looking down at her drink- says this quite quickly after his dialogue) What do you do Hank?

Man: I have various means

Woman: cop, huh? You certainly look like the type.

Man: You could say that’s part of it. But, I aint short on money.

Woman: (turns to him as she hasn’t been facing him the whole time- has a bit of a smile)  (shot 26) and what do you do with all your money?

Man: mostly investments. You know. Stocks and shares.….. and I own a little theatre…. (shot 27- last part of dialogue cue)

Woman: I wouldn’t have thought of you as lover of the arts

Man: Im like a cake, theres always another layer

Woman: (looked shocked/disgusted) And what if I don’t like sweet things?. (shot 28)

Man: (tries to shrug the comment off)  A dame like you? Okay…. Well then a diamond, so many different faces and sides of one thing. (shot 29) That better? (shot 30)

Woman: I don’t buy a lot of bullshit about diamonds being a girls best friend.

Man: friends are never worth the trouble.

Woman: I pride myself on not being in trouble. Buy me another drink.

(says to the barman) vodka martini. With a twist. ( shot 31)

Camera pulls out (shot 32)

Barman: (setting the drink down) Enjoy.

Woman: (takes martini glass and sips it) (shot 33)

Man: So (pause), what do you do?

Woman: (sets down martini and takes out and olive on a cocktail stick) I play all day (eats olive sexily)

Man: (stroking her arm) and what about the night? (shot 37)

Woman: (puts cocktail stick back in glass) I try not to get bored. (shot 38 til end of dialogue.)

Man: (leans in to kiss the woman)

Woman: (turns away) I’m gonna smoke a cigarette (gets up and walks away)

Man: (balls up his fist) I’ll join you (also leaves)

Cuts away to the man we saw before. He puts on his trilby hat and gets up and walks away from his table. (shot 39)

Cuts to outside setting again. The woman walks out the door first and the man follows. She leans against the wall and takes out a cigarette. He is already ready with the lighter. He lights up her cigarette. She takes a drag and leans her head back watching the smoke as she exhales. She then grabs the man by his tie and kisses him. (shot 40) The man begins to caress her arms. He pulls away and offers him his hand. They walk together out of the frame.

Cuts away to the door and the man in the hat comes out. (shot 41) Puts his hands in his pockets. (shot 42) Looks down and then rubs out the cigarette under his foot. (shot 43) Then back up and walks away.

Music fades out.

I also researched some lines of other film noirs to inspire me whilst scripting. Greta Garbos line of : 'I want to be alone'. She told a friend that : 'I never said I wanted to be alone, I only said I wanted to be let alone'. This gave me great ideas for the lines for the femme fetale.