Due to feedback off our audience we decided to cut out the dialogue but keep in the shots. This was extremely difficult and we thought that it didn’t really work much at all. Instead we thought of the typical conventions of film noir and eventually we have decided to do a voiceover of roughly about 20 seconds of dialogue of the man. We looked at other voiceovers that we found particularly interesting like ‘In search for a Midnight Kiss’ which is a kind of neo noir film and used a voiceover at the beginning of the film that describe about the importance of a midnight kiss and how you sacrifice everything in the year solely for that kiss as you believe it brings you everything you need. Voiceovers in Film Noirs were a way to tell the audience what the character was thinking or feeling, basically an exposition. We noticed they use alot of dramatic similes and metaphors which are slightly cheesy.
Here is the new script of what we think will fit with our shots:
- It all began on a cold winters night, when I saw her. Brunette and legs for hours.
- Care for a smoke? A thank you would have been nice.
- She takes a drag from that sweet cigarette. Her lips like forbidden fruit waiting to eb bitten. She said I was trying to hard.
- Dames. Jeez. They rip your heart out without even blinking an eye.
- I asked her ‘so, what do you do?’.
- She replied ‘I play all day and at night, I try not to get bored’.
- Those beautiful green eyes were my weakness. When i gazed at her for the first time, i felt like a helpless baby.
-(when they kiss). And then...... it happened. She kissed me slowly and then asked to come back to mine.
we are planning to record this as soon as possible.
we are planning to record this as soon as possible.
Here is an example of the opening of ‘Sunset Boulevard’ where we took some inspiration from (it starts at about 1 minute 26 seconds) :
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